Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
