he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
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After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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