***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
