I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
