Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
