id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
