Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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