Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Never joke about your clitoris.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
