i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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