So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
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Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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