do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
