I think I died a long time ago.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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