All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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