i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
