I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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