Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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