i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
