some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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