We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
PANTIES FOUND
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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