i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
