He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
