dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
