he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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