So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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