there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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