I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
