a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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