I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize