my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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