I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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