my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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