is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
