you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
