i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You are the jesus of drinking
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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