Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
