You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
