can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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