Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
