Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
