OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
