My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
