dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
