this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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