Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
