im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
