I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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