Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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