Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize