So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
