Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
