Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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