you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
