we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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