Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
