Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
