happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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