I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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