$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
