I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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