I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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