i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
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