The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
