i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
