You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
