we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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