i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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