you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
